How to Build a Marine Scarecrow

Some Marines devised this technique to deal with keeping native people asking for handouts away from their base in foreign countries. They decided that they would construct a Marine "scarecrow" with his back turned to the gates. They figured that if this "Marine" ignored the local populace long enough that they would stop coming around. Thus, Lance Corporal Notional was born. And it almost worked.

1. Identify the persons who will be part of the construction party.
   
   
2. Scrounge around for materials (this includes framing, stuffing, and uniform items).
   
   
3. Build the frame in the shape of a "t," with the top sticking up high enough to rest a helmet on.
   
   
4. Put the uniform over the frame, making sure that you button it up snugly.
   
   
5. Attach the boots to the frame so that they look natural.
   
   
6. Stuff the uniform evenly. It's okay if the "Marine" appears to be a little overweight.
   
   
7. Set the "Marine" near the place where the local populace gathers, taking care to have his back facing them.
   
   
8. Stay away from the gates and let Lance Corporal Notional handle the people for you.
   
   
9. Finished.
   
   

• Set the "Marine" up at night, otherwise the local populace might get wise.
• Use old wooden pallets as framing.
• Use grass or tent parts for stuffing.
• Make sure the "arms" of the frame are only shoulder width (nobody stands around all day with their arms at ninety degrees).
• Be sure to go out and talk to the "Marine" every morning as though you've just changed the guard.
• You have to have a secure perimeter so that the local populace can't get too close.
• Make sure the "Marine" is far enough away from the gates that he can't be seen for what he really is.

• If the "Marine" falls asleep on his post, he might get busted down to Private (this happened to Notional).
• The commander might not find this amusing and bust the other Marines to Private as well.
• If the local populace discovers what you have done, they might become angry.

• A full set of camouflage utilities
• Combat boots
• Kevlar helmet
• Stuffing material
• Framing material
• An area to guard with restricted access
• A local populace in a Third World country that wants food from you